One Life

"Tell me----what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" --Mary Oliver

At various times in my life, this famous and lovely quote from poet Mary Oliver would compel me to interpret it differently based on the stress I might place on different words.

That is, if "one" is stressed, I might wonder whether there should be one thing I focus on in my own life, one gift I should be honing to give to the world.

Or, I might focus on "plan" and wonder whether I have been lax in this aspect of my life----especially since my life has tended to unfold rather mysteriously, with my seeing patterns mostly in reflection rather than in advance.

Recently, I have been focused on its "precious"-ness, its fleeting aspects, especially since I'm now on the downward slope of my fifth decade, an age when many women begin to feel they wish to give of themselves to the greater good (having raised their children and fulfilled various practical societal commitments like helping pay the mortgage)----and I feel an intense desire to discover what I can commit my heart to now.

I have also been focused on my life's "wild" nature, that is, my continuing discovery of what it is to be an "authentic" woman. Raised in a patriarchal culture (as Western civilization is), and especially having grown up in the South among traditional Baptists, who interpret the Bible to mean quite literally that women are meant to be subservient to men (as men are supposed to be subservient to God---an aspect of the equation that is usually forgotten), I have nevertheless always been rebellious and questioning of all things cultural. This hardheaded rebelliousness has served to protect my spirit, but its emphasis has been on the intellect, on reason, on gathering information (and never feeling I have enough!).

And so, when I copied this quote from Jean S. Bolen's CROSSING TO AVALON, I realized that this is where I am now, and I feel privileged to find myself standing with many other women in this place:

We must remember how and when each of us has had an experience of the Goddess, and felt healed and made whole by her. . . Without words they are difficult to retrieve. But when someone else speaks of a similar experience, it can evoke the memory and bring back the feelings, which restores the experience. Only if we speak from personal experience does this happen. This is why we need words for women's mysteries, which, like everything else that is of women, seems to require that one woman at a time birth what she knows. We serve as midwives to each other's consciousness. To speak our own truth the first time feels fraught with danger. . . In the bones of our collective experience as women we know there are risks. . . " [I added the bold for emphasis.]

Life's Kaleidoscope

How wonderful to feel the patterns forming and to enjoy how the pieces are beginning to fit. Of course, sometimes when we are living through the pain and fragmentation in our lives, we can't understand that one day it may all take on a greater purpose, but it's valuable to have this perspective----that even darkness and despair have meaning, no matter how difficult it feels as it's happening.

In my continuing recreation of myself after retiring from a full time job and moving to a different part of the country (not to mention all of the internal changes that occurred simultaneously), I kept returning to the idea of volunteering in a local women's shelter, where victims of domestic violence can go for various kinds of help. However, the time never felt quite right until a couple of weeks ago when an application form accompanied our little daily hometown newspaper. That was all it took----completing that form----and now, I've received an internship for a two-week training period, and I'm on my way to doing what I've been intending.

Over twenty years ago, when I was gaining the experience in my miserable home life and the therapy I attended to help me figure out how to cope, who could have known that I would one day be able to use the misery I experienced to help someone else.

Here's a list detailing forms of domestic violence from the handout this organization provides (and I experienced almost every one of these):

Domestic violence. . .

. . . can be physical:
- preventing you from leaving the home or going where you want to
- intimidating or trying to control you or your children
- hitting, slapping, shoving, choking you
- throwing or breaking objects in the home
- following you when you leave the home
- forcing sexual acts against your will

. . . can be emotional:
- criticizing your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee
- embarrassing you in front of other people
- disapproving of your friends, relatives, neighbors
- hampering you in your job or school
- having angry outbursts or "losing their temper"
- being over-protective or extremely jealous
- threatening you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or themselves
- leaving excessive phone messages

. . . can be financial:
- denying you access to bank accounts, credit cards, or the car; forcing you to account for money

Realizing that none of this sort of behavior is "normal" is a first step in getting help and support in order for a woman (and any children) to begin to create a new kind of normal, one that is loving and supportive and creative.

Stony Creek

We've been on a roll lately, celebrating our diverse and magnificent landbase---Del Norte County, California----first by attending several events at the California Redwoods Bird and Nature Festival, and then by continuing our explorations into areas we haven't been before: here, Stony Creek, where the exotic Lady's Slipper and Darlingtonia Lily (or Cobra Lily, a carnivorous plant) bloom profusely, enjoying habitat where they can keep their feet cool, and wowing us with the amazing close-up and distance views, just a short hike through the woods from the tiny village of Gasquet.

Truth in Symbols

Truth can be difficult to discern sometimes, especially when we seek what is sometimes beyond reason, beyond the five senses, even.

My reading over the past six months has been focused on various aspects of the Divine Feminine, the dark Madonna, labyrinths, and various other symbols that resonate within our souls and connect us with ancient truths.

How interesting it was to learn that the fish symbol appropriated by modern Christians for their bumper stickers had its origins in pagan symbology----as a vulva, symbol of the Divine Feminine, the Goddess, who is present in both spirit and body, a mix of life sorely missing in Western civilization's pride in its "conquering" of nature through its "superior science" and focus on the mind's powers to the exclusion of what was often considered humans' "dumb animal" nature.

And so we are all connected through symbols----whether we know their various meanings or not----something that can remind us that, though we are all unique, we are nonetheless connected.