How wonderful to feel the patterns forming and to enjoy how the pieces are beginning to fit. Of course, sometimes when we are living through the pain and fragmentation in our lives, we can't understand that one day it may all take on a greater purpose, but it's valuable to have this perspective----that even darkness and despair have meaning, no matter how difficult it feels as it's happening.
In my continuing recreation of myself after retiring from a full time job and moving to a different part of the country (not to mention all of the internal changes that occurred simultaneously), I kept returning to the idea of volunteering in a local women's shelter, where victims of domestic violence can go for various kinds of help. However, the time never felt quite right until a couple of weeks ago when an application form accompanied our little daily hometown newspaper. That was all it took----completing that form----and now, I've received an internship for a two-week training period, and I'm on my way to doing what I've been intending.
Over twenty years ago, when I was gaining the experience in my miserable home life and the therapy I attended to help me figure out how to cope, who could have known that I would one day be able to use the misery I experienced to help someone else.
Here's a list detailing forms of domestic violence from the handout this organization provides (and I experienced almost every one of these):
Domestic violence. . .
. . . can be physical:
- preventing you from leaving the home or going where you want to
- intimidating or trying to control you or your children
- hitting, slapping, shoving, choking you
- throwing or breaking objects in the home
- following you when you leave the home
- forcing sexual acts against your will
. . . can be emotional:
- criticizing your abilities as a spouse or partner, parent or employee
- embarrassing you in front of other people
- disapproving of your friends, relatives, neighbors
- hampering you in your job or school
- having angry outbursts or "losing their temper"
- being over-protective or extremely jealous
- threatening you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or themselves
- leaving excessive phone messages
. . . can be financial:
- denying you access to bank accounts, credit cards, or the car; forcing you to account for money
Realizing that none of this sort of behavior is "normal" is a first step in getting help and support in order for a woman (and any children) to begin to create a new kind of normal, one that is loving and supportive and creative.
